BMW X5, bad-boy, but not M

Motor Authority released spy shots of what they claim to be BMW’s M version of the X5. BMW knows better than to stamp its famous “///M” on the trunk of an SUV. Sure, the bad-boy in those pictures certainly means business. It sports an impressive bumper with large openings in the front, quad exhaust in the rear, and wide and sticky ultra-high performance tires all around.

Speculations about the engine promise either the V10 found in the M5 and M6 or a new 430HP twin-turbo V8. Let’s see why it can’t be the former:

1. BMW’s V10 is reserved for M cars. An SUV can’t be an M-car. Therefor, the V10 will not be found in the X5.

2. What would require so much cooling that huge openings must be made in the front bumper? Yes, turbos!

3. The 507HP V10 is all about high-rpms and spirited driving. Where do you find high-rpm, spirited-driving-oriented engines? Yes, in sports cars!

4. A 430HP twin-turbo V8 is all about low-end torque and towing things. Where do you find this kind of engines? Yes, in SUVs!

5. Bonus point 1: the funny note found in the cockpit warns the driver about not driving for more than 30-minutes or the engine will go “kaput”. Why would the V10 go kaput? There are more chances this is about warning the driver that he’s driving a newly designed twin-turbo V8 that requires more cooling that is provided by the masked openings in the front bumper.

6. Bonus point 2: BMW’s 300HP twin-turbo I6 is so successful that they want to implement this recipe in the X5, thus a twin-turbo V8.

Sorry folks, no X5 M for christmas this year. But we can all expect a goddam fast SUV with that bad-boy look. Who needs an M-badge anyway? Aren’t BMW’s the “Ultimate Driving Machine” and not the “Ultimate Posing Machine”?

High-resolution, full-size pictures: